Yesterday, with a bandana over my hair under a huge farm worker type straw hat, my Steamboat fashion sunglasses (they shield my cataract ridden eyes from the sides), light jeans, pre-Barbie pink tshirt, I rode my scooter in the 1pm hot sun to get to the food pantry. By the time I got there to St Helena’s, I was 17th in line. Cars waited in the hot sun with no shade for the food from this church. My skin was sizzling like bacon under direct sunlight. After answering 3 diff ppl w info on my scooter, I got my food and came home. Riding the scooter, I would ride in the extreme heat hitting pockets of an oven-like heat every few feet. I guzzled from my water bottle. I was just 2 blocks from my sister’s when I passed her street on Wooldridge, but I know better than to stop by without calling. She is always very busy and it was much too hot to go that way tho it is an excellent safer short cut home. I rode up to the entrance here and my eyes spy a senior couple with the gleam I always see when they decide my scooter is cool. I hurry because I am over heated. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I am sweating buckets now. They catch up to me and ask all the usual questions and then decide to grill me about the license plate holder in back. I tell them a license plate is not required. They want to debate. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I want to throw up. I try to be nice and hope I was as I extricate myself to get to the elevator. Another minor challenge. I have to back it in the elevator. I feel worse by the minute. My bottle is almost dry.
I make it inside and plaster my face in front of the AC. I drink more water. I eat some crackers and for the next few hours felt worse for eating them.
I fell asleep and woke up around 10pm.
I made spaghetti for me and the boys. Ragu sauce, a few cheese squares, and some and bite-size weenie pieces. It was good. They loved it. My former street dogs and me. Eating this kid food isn’t my style but I cannot get the hang of buying food without food stamps. Even $50 a week is not enough. Looks like, with inflation, it will take $300 a month for me. Inflation is so crazy right now. So, I am food insecure. A terrible plight when I still have a few more pounds to go. The head trip with this is enormous. I am up for the challenge.
So, leftover spaghetti, it is, for breakfast. It is funny to me that I eat as much as my 6 lb chihuahua. I WILL MEET MY GOALS. It has taken me about 2 and a half years to get here. I think that is a healthy rate of weight loss. I drink water. Take my meds and vitamins. And sleep is improving. I don’t drink when I eat. I remain upright for 30 minutes after I eat. I watch my protein. I walk my dogs but in the dark. My meds have been adjusted as I get smaller. Low blood pressure was a weird side effect of losing weight. I used to eat almost only fresh food but until I can find a way to get healthy food, I have to make do.
Adapt or perish.
I now weigh 140 lbs! I have lost 86 lbs. I need to lose 14 more lbs. 140 lbs on a 5’2” frame is still overweight. I am under physician supervision. Every lb. I have lost has also resulted in facing the psychic wounds that caused me to gain weight and then kept me from losing the layer of fat that I was deluded into thinking protected me somehow. The real me was hidden deep under all that fat. But that fat is almost all gone. Now what? Well, better clothes await me. Better health hopefully. Healing my wounds still eludes me but now is my sole focus. I want to travel. I am sure AARP has tours for the elderly. I want to go by train.
Okay. Gotta go. The sun is starting to hit my windows and I better close the curtains.
